The Importance of Unstructured Play

Compared to generations past, in a new age of parenting, parents are spending a lot more time with their children. Overall this is a wonderful thing.  We also attempt to demand oversight to dictate their learning, their play, their games and the reactions to the occurrence. I have been guilty at times of being a “helicopter parent” with the intention of protecting my child, or making sure they play a certain way. Are we helping when we hover in a static state with our children? 

This encouragement is focused on the definition of unstructured play and the vital nature of it to child development.

I have always been interested in the different definitions of parents. Absent, bulldozer, roommate, helicopter, good, great and indifferent. As a parent I have cared deeply to go introspective on what type of parent I am, how I am interacting with my kids, and if my actions are benefiting them now, and for years to come. Just as important is the recognition if they are not. 

I am a fierce self critic. Before I speak about others' actions, I demand of myself to check my parameters and to do my best to adhere to what is right. It has assisted me through my time as a parent. How do I speak to my child, how do I handle stressful situations, how we as a family solve problems. I have failed many times. I give thanks in the opportunity of assessing my missteps, waking up the next day and being a better dad. I hope Chad and I’s messages have shown the levels of effort in humility and the desire to make ourselves better for our families. 

Our mission for this site was to speak candidly about the challenges of being a parent. Hopefully being open with our struggles, and experiences, it helps those who share our path in parenthood. 

That brings us to today’s topic. I did my darndest to be a very present dad that played with my kids a ton when they were little. Wrestling, guys, legos, barbies, hide and seek, kid toss, coloring, blocks, airplane, catch, walks, swinging, forts, dress up, shop time.  Haha, the list continues.

Parents are busy, but it’s more important than ever for parents to make time to play with their kids, says Timothy Davis, PhD, a private practitioner in Newton, Massachusetts, and a lecturer at Harvard Medical School. “Parent/child play is important in maintaining a strong relationship and strong attachment between parent and child, which fosters resilience.”

Not only do I truly cherish the memories we made, I believed in its importance as a parent for my child as well as my own growth and satisfaction. 

“Play is an important catalyst to relieve stress,” says educational psychologist Lauren McNamara, PhD, founder and director of Recess Project Canada, a research project housed at Toronto’s Ryerson University that promotes active and inclusive recess environments for children. “Engaging in play with the kids can be an important time for families to stay connected and feel emotionally secure together.”

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 Now, as they have aged, I am definitely not as spry or packed full of energy as I was eight years ago. My wife and I have challenged my kids to now play with each other, or by themselves, versus depending on their dad or mom for constant entertainment. I feel bad at times for wanting this, but I appreciated the increased time so that I can get a workout that is not taking place at 9:58 pm. I could read a desired book that I want to dive into, versus 13 renditions of the literary masterpieces of Dogman books. I have asked myself if I am doing the right thing in pushing my kids to partake in more play that is not dictated by me or participated by me. 

Thankfully there is a wealth of research showing that unstructured play, defined as, play that isn’t organized or directed by adults or older peers and that generally doesn’t have a defined purpose or outcome—is a fundamental necessity for children to thrive physically, emotionally, mentally, and socially.

This is not to say we do not play as a family anymore. As life should go, our games, activities have changed as they have grown, and the limitations of not being as young and mobile. 

There is gobs of good discussion, research and data to discuss the importance of play in kids' lives. The importance of organized play, taking place outdoors, and especially with peers. Just as structured-rule based play is supportive to their physical and mental development.

Unstructured or “Free play, is critical for becoming socially adept, coping with stress and building cognitive skills such as problem solving. Research into animal behavior confirms play's benefits and establishes its evolutionary importance.” This is stated by psychiatrist specialist Stuart Brown. He has an amazing pathway as a mental health specialist. 

Brown states in the nearly 50 years of practice, he has interviewed more than 6,000 people about their childhoods, and his data suggest that a lack of opportunities for unstructured, imaginative play can keep children from growing into happy, well-adjusted adults. 

I am thankful for this statement. What do they say? “ Kids don't come with a manual”. Maybe a certain personality is better suited to being a parent than others, but I believe being a good parent is a work in progress that should occur the entire time you serve your duty to your kids. I have searched for childhood psychology data, books on parenting, other people in my sphere that I respect as humans, and as parents to assist me in my path. 

I have ruminated on how important being a parent is. How our actions make ripples for years to come that we truly cannot comprehend. It can be overwhelming in its importance. I feel the grind of daily life, and all that comes with work, a marriage, bills, child care can reduce the gratitude and the gravity of parenthood. 

But for all the complexity of life, being a good parent can break down into a very simple focus. 

A focus that I believe this site captures wonderfully. Be present, be intentional. 

Love your kids with your words and actions. As many specialists regarding child development state, support them to be themselves with assistance, but do your best to let them loose in using their imagination, playing with peers, move their bodies and to let them make mistakes along the way. Still easier said than done right? 

My wife and I do our best to set up situations that maintain safety, check the boxes of reduced danger. But then allows our kids to make their own choices without us constantly saying no, or having to alter their play. 

Gives them freedom, lets them have fun. Let them stress, respond, react and hopefully grow in the best way they can with the time I have to support them. 

Enjoy and foster your family in any positive way you can gents. Make sure some chunks are letting those rascals do what they want, in proper parameters. I take no responsibility for 4 wheeler wrecks, broken windows or ED trips. 

Until next time.  In the words of the immortal Red Green, Canada's finest actor, “ If the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.”