Fatherhood Resource
Fatherhood Thoughts

There are two main areas of focus for this lesson, though it applies to many aspects of life.

1. Learning to be assertive without being an ass.
2. Learning to learn and push beyond your current depths of knowledge.

Learning to be assertive without being as ass:
As mentioned in Lesson #15, In all things, be confident and kind, we talked about being kind without being a pushover. What is important to note, is that being kind doesn't mean that you must always be the "nice guy". You must find the assertive line between nice and asshole.

In his book The Masculinity Manifesto, @ryanmichler talks about this: "It's hard for nice guys to know the line, especially if they've never experimented with what is acceptable and what isn't."

He suggests to experiment in regards to being more assertive in certain scenarios. Intentionally make yourself uncomfortable in order to find the line. Or in his words, "The point is to make yourself uncomfortable and get you familiar with asserting yourself in a situation where you ordinarily would just want to slink away and hide."

Find the line. Toe across it. Get comfortable. Then, dial it back to assertive without being an ass.

Learning to learn and push beyond your current depth of knowledge:
When learning a new skill or subject matter, it's the process of learning you must get comfortable with.

Through the process, we push ourselves beyond what we currently know and understand. This is intimidating, but also uncomfortable. We risk being the newbie or the dumbest one in the room. It's humbling. However, if you are able to get comfortable in the uncomfortable and embrace the process, there is no telling what you will be able to learn and accomplish.

This lesson does not stop with these two examples.

It can be applied to fitness or to social settings. It can build confidence.

Get comfortable being uncomfortable. It will do you wonders.

#lessonsformychildren

If we allow it, time passes without a second thought. We do the same thing we did yesterday. We go through the motions, from one commitment to the other. We allow our mind to continuously run, pre-occupied with what happened at work or what needs to get done tomorrow. We only speak to our children through requests or discipline.

It is human nature to find a "groove" and stick to it, blanking out during the drive only to end up at your destination wondering how you got there. But is that how you want to live your life? Is that how you want to remember (or not remember) your children's childhood?

Today, I challenge you to think about and intentionally implement one of these three ideas.

Be Present. Be Intentional.
- Chad Vrla
Founder of TheIntentionalFather.com

Read More:
www.theintentionalfather.com/post/3-ideas-to-be-a-more-intentional-father

Thought: If your child mimics your unintentional words or actions of today, would you be proud?

I remember the first time I notice my son portraying me. He was maybe two years old and we were watching a college football game. The game wasn't going in my teams favor (I'm an Aggie, unfortunately I'm accustomed to this…), so I was standing in front of the TV with my arms folded in frustration. I looked down to my left and saw my son standing next to me. His arms were folded too with the same frustrating look on his face. He had no idea why. He didn't understand football yet or even what winning or losing meant. At the time I thought it was cute and funny. I laughed and gave him a big hug! However, after thinking about it later that night, I realized the significance of what happened. It wasn't just watching a football game together, it was a child learning how to live. When thought about it in this context, you realize weight of each moment spent with your kids. This little human is watching every move, listening to every word to learn how to react and respond to different moments of life.

When thinking about this, it can feel overbearing. It's one thing to be intentional with your words and actions when you are directly spending time with your kids. But they see and hear more than you may think. That means we must live with intentionality. We must live with purpose. We must be on mission, every day, knowing that our children are growing, heavily influenced by our behavior.

- Chad Vrla
Founder of TheIntentionalFather.com

Read More:
www.theintentionalfather.com/post/live-intentionally

#BePresent #BeIntentional #TheIntentionalFather

There is a difference between apologizing and asking for forgiveness.

An apology is acknowledging the wrong doing and expressing you feel bad about the situation. There is nothing wrong with this, in fact it's the correct first step.

However, it's easy to slip out the words "I'm sorry" and continue on. Whether genuinely meant or not, it doesn't carry the weight we most likely intend.

Especially in regards to relationships we value, only saying I'm sorry can still leave an open wound. Tension grows, resentment breeds, and while the situation has passed, the feelings have not.

Forgiveness, on the other hand, closes the book on the matter. It involves letting go of the hurt, anger, or resentment.

Dr. Josh Misner from a Time.com article The One Thing Everyone Should Do After an Apology says it this way: "If saying sorry is akin to admitting fault, then doing so is not enough to restore a relationship. Taking the extra step to ask for forgiveness involves a dramatic shift in power, which requires humility on the part of the asker and subsequently places power into the hands of the person wronged."

In this scenario, time is also in the hands of the person wronged. Even though forgiveness is asked for, it does not and will not always be given right away.

If it was a physical pain, it could take time for the pain to reside.
If you lied, it could take a while to restore trust.
If it was emotional pain, time and space may be required.

At the end of the day, a heart felt apology and true forgiveness are both required to heal, restore, and move forward any relationship.

#lessonsformychildren

Embrace the silly!

As a man, you may look goofy skipping in the parking by yourself...but skipping in the parking lot with your kids?? What a fun father!

Be goofy, act silly, make your child smile today.

Be Present. Be Intentional.

Parents want the best for their children. We wish, and some try, to make their kid's daily decisions to shield them from the potential pain or letdowns of life. We don't want to see them get hurt. We believe we know what is best for them. That, however, is only because we have already experienced life's adversities. We have been shaped and molded by the trials of our own lives. If you continually shield your children, what happens when they are inevitably out on their own without mom or dad to step in? Because of this, we must teach them how to make tough decisions. Teach them how to traverse difficult life moments. Teach them how to live in a world that is not always going to be kind to them. Tough moments will happen, are your kids going to be ready to handle them?

Stemmed from this thought, I started to compile a list of lessons I would like to teach my children throughout their upbringing. Most are sayings my father would use as I was growing up. Simple words that hold great meaning and have served me well in life.

The first 5 can be found at www.theintentionalfather.com/post/5-lessons-for-my-children

Here are 5 more.
www.theintentionalfather.com/post/5-more-lessons

#bepresent #BeIntentional #theintentionalfather